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Foot Washing: The Key to a Happy Marriage

August 31, 2023


Newlyweds are partaking in a growing trend across America - foot washing. In many cultures, foot washing is symbolic of humbly serving others. "Pride is a killer of marriage," seasoned widow Vera Wannamaker stated during an interview. Wannamaker believes that more couples need to partake in this ceremony to demonstrate their dedication to each other. Since most newlyweds prefer not to wear shoes in the living space, this practice also helps them keep their carpet clean while avoiding harmful parasites, such as hookworm, plantar warts, and toe fungus.


Feminists are skeptical of the trend, questioning if this is really about submission to men rather than "tenderness and cleanliness." Activist Brittany McDermott told reporters that this trend is a blow to the progress of women in the civil rights movement. A young man by the name of Paul Robbins thinks otherwise. "Foot washing is a form of flirting, plus my feet smell really bad after work. I know it's what Jesus would do," Robbins stated.


In Psychology Today Magazine, an article was featured that couples should put away the credit card and start washing each other's feet. This positive ritual can prevent having to go to marriage counseling. However, psychologists fear this could impact their practice.


In the end, it comes down to this: Either you can pour a marriage down the drain, or the greywater after an affectionate scrub down.



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